& alarm bells keep ringing

by Wolfgang Carstens

every morning
i turn off
alarm bells
get out of bed
& before anything
i smoke
a cigarette
on the back step
w/ my head
in my hands
contemplating
the noose
even the sound
of singing birds
pisses me off
i just can't seem
to wake up
in a good mood
anymore
can't find
a good reason
to pull me
thru
can barely
muster the guts
to get off
these steps
& go
back inside
it's all fucked up
it's done
send in the clowns
why end it now
time
moves
so quickly
these days
death
is lurking
right around
the corner
& my bed
once a symbol
of comfort
& security
is feeling
more & more
like an open grave
soon enough
i will
sleep in