Showing posts with label nila northSun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nila northSun. Show all posts

December 3, 2009

boomerang kids

by nila northSun

they call this generation
boomerang kids
1 in 7 grown kids returning
to the parent's home
maybe while they go to college
maybe when they lose their jobs
maybe when new marriages fail
and now i find my daughter
with her 3 year old
sleeping on an air mattress
in the living room
of my small 1 bedroom apartment

today i ate my cereal
on my bed and didn't cook bacon
as my kitchen is where
their sleeping heads lay
i didn't watch the morning news
as that is where
their feet and clothes boxes are

today i will see about getting
wireless internet
so she can do job searches
on friday when i get paid
we will go grocery shopping
so she can pick foods she likes
maybe next week i will make
a doctor's appointment
to get valium my chill-pills
anticipating frayed nerves
though i love them both
i'm used to my oneness with myself.


*a chap by nila northSun: love at gunpoint

July 22, 2009

the weekend

by nila northSun

for ‘shooter’

drove back to the rez
with just enough gas
to get there and back
my lover lent me money
so my checks would stop bouncing
and we painted in rose and cream
the freshly mudded sheetrock
of the bedroom my daughter
accidentally burnt down
the only radio station being 80’s rock
i haven’t heard those songs
since college
all the while ‘his’ name
kept popping into my head
freshly suicided the day before
and i wonder why
and how life gets so bad
that a seemingly passionate about life
person loads the shotgun
and grand funk railroad plays
and cream from disraeli gears
led zeppelin you know the ilk
the sun pours through the windows
i add a little rum to the coke
clean the brushes and trays
drive back to the city
his name keeps popping in
the gas gauge is almost empty
and his name keeps popping in.


*a chap by nila northSun: love at gunpoint

May 19, 2009

luck

by nila northSun

as you walk through the casino
your eyes scanning
you stop
listen
and decide from the slot machine
cacophony
that 'that' machine
is 'the one'
the one that will turn your luck
from poor to rich
raining coins from its
loose slots mouth
your optimism palpable
later i find you
at the bar with a cold beer
and not much else to show
for this week's paycheck
'hey' you say
'there's still next week'
and wink and smile.


*nila northSun at Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nila_northSun

April 3, 2009

jeramiah

by nila northSun

3rd day of spring
snow flurries and whipping wind
i see a mama pushing a stroller
barefoot baby no hat no gloves
i circle the block and park
go looking for this mama
and say 'where's your baby's socks?
where's your baby's shoes?'
she says 'you don't know me'
i say 'i don't but i'm a gramma of
a 1 year old and a 2 year old and a momma of others
and this isn't right'
and take off my gloves and put them
on his feet
he's not fussing or crying
he's just accepting the freezing
'what's his name?'
'jeramiah' 'how old?' 'one.'
i say 'come with me' and she does
i go to my car where i have my
baby car seat and rummage among
the toys to find a hat and blanket
and snackie foods and a toy
she says bless you and goes off
i run up to my apartment find socks
find a warm coat and run back down
but she's gone
i drive around looking for her
all gone
i stand on my balcony looking
over the city blocks
nothing
'jeramiah!!!!!'
nothing
jeramiah may you find warmth
in the cold
coolness in desert heat
and food for your tiny belly
give your momma strength
to make a life beyond homeless.


*nila northSun at Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nila_northSun

March 20, 2009

trying to shake sad

by nila northSun

a dreary cold monday morning
first 2 emails
high school girlfriend dead
medical care and severe depression
was all that was mentioned
so I wonder if she suicided
never married no kids
and at the last few high school
reunions when I saw her after many
year of not seeing her
I thought she looked anorexic
cause she looked so tiny
‘our’ group is now in their 50’s
too early to be dying

2nd email about a
fellow burner that I do not know
in a motorcycle accident in India
her last email home said
how crazy the drivers in India were
and how she’s learning to drive
a motorcycle but not to worry
she’s playing it safe and always
wears a helmet
a bike in front of her wiped out
and she swerved to avoid
but ended up with a handlebar
thru her visor into her head
her boyfriend was following and
began cpr despite blood in mouth
ears nose for a half hour
before German tourists stopped
frantic boyfriend trying to understand
the Indian doctors
lots of blood loss she in a coma
hooked up to a breathing machine
her mom flew in wants her back in
the States for better care
her boyfriend updates blog
so everybody knows what’s going on
somebody snagged her an indigent bed at Stanford Medical
friends in San Francisco having FUNraisers
cause that’s the way she’d want it
trying to raise funds for an air ambulance
that cost $150,000
the dj hosted shake yur booty party
plus other donations have raised $5,000
so they begin to pray more fervently
for her for an air ambulance for a good outcome

and this all sinks me down to sadness
as I recall my hospital bedside waits while
my son was hooked up to everything
but at least he was conscious and alive
and I knew he had most brain function
the coma thing is scary
reminds me of the other kid down the hall
jarrod 18 year old same age as my kid
jarrod bonked his head in a truck accident
and was in a coma
10 years later…he still is
I know cause whenever I pass through
that small town of Gerlach on my way to
burningman I stop at bruno’s bar
and ask the bartender
‘how’s jarrod doing?’ cause jarrod’s family
was from Gerlach but has moved away
‘the same’ is what he always says
one day I want him to tell me ‘he woke up
and smiled’
you read about those kind of stories
sometimes

yet I still feel like crying
about jarrod, about my son
about the burner girl
and about my high school girlfriend
who was severely depressed
I’m so sad that she was so depressed
I remember her best as smiling and having a
caring and sweet disposition
and wishing life could have always stayed
that innocent
our silly little high school life
when all we worried about was our hairstyle
or clothes
and that we laughed a lot
at least that’s how I remember it
and I’m going to keep it that way.


*nila northSun at Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nila_northSun

December 18, 2008

what makes their eyes go dead?

by nila northSun

you always hear how their eyes
were black holes
as they committed some
atrocity
like the man
who just stomped his
2 year old to death
killing him way past dead
last weekend in california
or the woman who
drove a knife repeatedly into
her aging father's back
or even my cousin
as he held his young wife's
shot gurgling body down
so it could bleed out
while family and cops
stood in horror
and we saw black holes
dead eyes in his face
he didn't even look like my cousin
some zombie stranger instead
just like the father killing his
baby son
people holler
people grab at them
they don't hear
their black eyes don't see
they just do what they do
as if possessed

where is the chemistry in this?
somebody tell me
there is an explaination
and don't tell me about the devil
tell me how
the 'normal' person
suddenly does these things?
the good neighbor
the good co-worker
the good child
don't tell me about the devil
but i do believe
their soul is gone
how did that happen?
what ate it up?
and can we make it stop doing that?


*nila northSun at Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nila_northSun

December 5, 2008

Ho-sehs run

by nila northSun

the grandson
sometimes has 'r's
sometimes doesn't
his 3 word story
told one word at a time
breathlessly
ho-sehs (horses)
run
bite
as he retells the terrifying scene
next door there are 10 horses
wild mustangs 'adopted'
the dominant male corraled
while the females and
new foals roam
the 1 acre around a
small cabin
the owner is not home
a new stallion is allowed free
which aggravates the
corraled one
til he leaps his fences
and they fight
he draws blood
then chases the other horses
round and round they race
kicking up clouds of dust
we hear the thundering hooves
and stand on the deck
they are kicking and biting
screaming horse screams
blood on mare's hindquarters
blood on new stallions neck
around and around they race
what to do what to do?
afraid they will kill each other
we call 911
a half hour later when a cop
patrols by
the horses are just standing
exhausted
he keeps going
and they take off again
and we go indoors

grandson is left with his
3 word story
ho-sehs run bite.


*nila northSun at Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nila_northSun