trying to shake sad

by nila northSun

a dreary cold monday morning
first 2 emails
high school girlfriend dead
medical care and severe depression
was all that was mentioned
so I wonder if she suicided
never married no kids
and at the last few high school
reunions when I saw her after many
year of not seeing her
I thought she looked anorexic
cause she looked so tiny
‘our’ group is now in their 50’s
too early to be dying

2nd email about a
fellow burner that I do not know
in a motorcycle accident in India
her last email home said
how crazy the drivers in India were
and how she’s learning to drive
a motorcycle but not to worry
she’s playing it safe and always
wears a helmet
a bike in front of her wiped out
and she swerved to avoid
but ended up with a handlebar
thru her visor into her head
her boyfriend was following and
began cpr despite blood in mouth
ears nose for a half hour
before German tourists stopped
frantic boyfriend trying to understand
the Indian doctors
lots of blood loss she in a coma
hooked up to a breathing machine
her mom flew in wants her back in
the States for better care
her boyfriend updates blog
so everybody knows what’s going on
somebody snagged her an indigent bed at Stanford Medical
friends in San Francisco having FUNraisers
cause that’s the way she’d want it
trying to raise funds for an air ambulance
that cost $150,000
the dj hosted shake yur booty party
plus other donations have raised $5,000
so they begin to pray more fervently
for her for an air ambulance for a good outcome

and this all sinks me down to sadness
as I recall my hospital bedside waits while
my son was hooked up to everything
but at least he was conscious and alive
and I knew he had most brain function
the coma thing is scary
reminds me of the other kid down the hall
jarrod 18 year old same age as my kid
jarrod bonked his head in a truck accident
and was in a coma
10 years later…he still is
I know cause whenever I pass through
that small town of Gerlach on my way to
burningman I stop at bruno’s bar
and ask the bartender
‘how’s jarrod doing?’ cause jarrod’s family
was from Gerlach but has moved away
‘the same’ is what he always says
one day I want him to tell me ‘he woke up
and smiled’
you read about those kind of stories
sometimes

yet I still feel like crying
about jarrod, about my son
about the burner girl
and about my high school girlfriend
who was severely depressed
I’m so sad that she was so depressed
I remember her best as smiling and having a
caring and sweet disposition
and wishing life could have always stayed
that innocent
our silly little high school life
when all we worried about was our hairstyle
or clothes
and that we laughed a lot
at least that’s how I remember it
and I’m going to keep it that way.


*nila northSun at Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nila_northSun