from the book of wtf?

by Justin Hyde

sitting at the bar
trying to detach your mind
from the crucible
of day to day
when she
taps your shoulder:

a tenth grade
high-school english teacher
named susan.

jesus your arm's
bigger around than my
thigh
i hope you don't mean me harm,
she smiles
inviting you to
check the circumference
of her thigh.

you tell her
her smile
lights up
the catacombs
from greece
to ethiopia

which makes her face
turn red.

lets you
buy her
a bud-light

tells you
she's designing
a whole unit
on alice in wonderland.

you tell her
she needs to
do a unit on
carver and bukowski.

she's never heard
of either of them
but writes it down
on a napkin.

you tell her
you have to
empty
the contents of
your bladder.

you're so
creative with words,
she smiles
and squeezes your neck
and says
hurry back.

not two minutes later
you do come back
and
she is gone.

gone brother.

nothing left

but her empty bud-light

and your
big
blue balls.