Way Ahead of the Game

by John Rocco

I’m way ahead of the game I think with all the
broken cars and betraying bridges and money
spilled on drinks and steak fajitas up in Harlem
getting cars out of the pound for $185, fighting with her
sister over who should clean the apartment and the
slaps in the face, slaps in the belly, Fran saying:
“when I tell people you threw her over your shoulder
and walked out of the bar with her they don’t believe
me but you actually did it like a caveman!” and the time

she was just late making me wait forever or cancelled
saying “please, please, please, please can we skip today
because you like the day and I like the night” and the
time she tortured you by drinking with the construction
workers or the time you spent the whole shift with her at the
bar but she went home with Fruity Mike because she said
“he’ll take care of me” or the time she told you she
went out on a “date” with a fucking asshole and she
said: “I did it for you.” All those times and worse
like when she wouldn’t get in the car the whole
sky watching, the sun a disapproving old cunt.

I’m way ahead of the game because I lost and bled
my film noir training failing
my ass too old for the game
but I got lots of words and pages out of it
and the great terrible payoff realization
that women just get more beautiful when
you are no longer allowed to touch them.