Cocaine Suicide

by Gina Ricardi

Snort a line,
think, think. I just want to think.
In my own world, no one around,
can’t hear a sound, just want to think.
Think about life, think about death.
Think about how I’m a winner, snort a line,
I’m a failure. Think about love, think
about hate. Think about that really long
debate, the one I had with myself. Should
I shoot myself in the head? Maybe I
should live, snort a line, but I might as well be
dead. How did I get here, what am
I doing? Snort two lines. Was I put on this earth
just for existence, or am I really real? Snort a
line. I do not feel. At least not right now.
Think, think. I just want to think
in my own world, no one around, snort three
lines, can’t hear a sound, just want to think.
It’s like I can’t talk, my mouth’s glued
shut. I’m stuck in a rut, snort another line.
I can feel it in my gut. I just want to
cut, see the blood drip down my
arm. Why is it that I’m the one I want
to harm? Escape reality, snort three lines.
Snort two more lines, think, think, think.
I can’t stop thinking. My brain
feels like it’s going to explode. I
Don’t wanna deal. This pain is so
real, now I can feel. Snort five lines.
This pain is so real now, I can feel,
this pain is so real now, I can feel,
I don’t wanna deal. Snort ten lines.
I’m out of my mind. My heart stops.
I’m gone.