HORROR EXPRESS

by John Rocco


The plot is simple:
Christopher Lee is a violently polite scientist
who found a 2 million-year-old
hairy cave man in the ice in Manchuria.
He packed the big fucker in a crate
all chained up
and put it on the Trans-Siberian Express
to bring it back to England
for Queen and country.
The only problem is that
the hairy bastard was invaded
by an alien life form a million years ago
and it woke up out of the ice
on the train
hungry glowing red eyes
sucking white many brains
and taking on the knowledge
and the power of
the thief, the baggage man,
Peter Cushing’s assistant,
an astrophysicist, the crazy
awesome vodka bottle grasping
Cossack played by Telly Savalas
who calls everyone “Peasants!”
swinging his heavy sword at everyone
even the beautiful Polish Countess.
When the train goes over the broken bridge
killing everyone and the monster
I’ve been slugging Cossack vodka
and eating sucked white brains
to keep up with the action of
one of my very personal favorite movies
because it tells me a lot about myself
like how much I miss the hot summer
hanging with the Switchblade Sisters
watching them both in the bathroom
putting on makeup and doing their hair
tomorrow just another promise to break.